Relationship to oneself is the primary relationship in each of our lives. In the years since my divorce, I have been on a journey to understand and embody this. As I slowly adjust to living solo, I explore how to embody the qualities I often seek in a relationship with another person. How can I provide these for myself?

I have learned recently how external structures of a committed relationship - like marriage, owning property, having children, or living together - are different than feeling secure in the relationship. These external demonstrations of commitment have a cultural and social history, but may obscure a felt-sense of truly being secure and emotionally connected with one’s partner. I would highly recommend the book Polysecure by Jessica Fern to explore this topic.

One gift of the meditative arts is that they provide a method to deepen relationship and attune to oneself. I often come to the Buddhist practice of "calm abiding," being with what is, being with myself in caring presence, non-judgment, and equanimity. In times of feeling lonely or down, I lean into the many dimensions of my practice: cultivating a beautiful and nourishing home practice and leaning into the support of community by going out to practice yoga, chanting, and meditation with others.

I find that deepening my primary self-relationship regenerates me and, over time, has created a reservoir of supportive energy I can access within myself through the rituals and rhythms of how I live.